It is indeed a very sad day at the Hawken home. A beloved member of our family, my goatee, is leaving us for an unspecified amount of time. As I want to lose more weight and my body doesn't respond well to running or biking, I need to go back swimming laps daily, which I can do at the lowest price at BYU. As many other fans of facial hair are well aware, the Richards Building (or RB, for those in the know) at BYU, which houses their pool, is the most strict enforcer of the "honor code" on campus. [Note: I will not capitalize or take out of quotation marks that term because it is a flagrant misnomer.] I have to choose, facial hair or being free of man-boobs. I choose the latter.
So goodbye, goatee. Goodbye, facial hair. I know I look better with you than without. I know I look skinnier with you, and I know I look like a chubby teenager without you. I know my face looks like a minefield when I have to regularly shave you off. I know my wife prefers you. I know I'm a grown man and should be allowed to make decisions like this on my own. I know that facial hair has nothing to do with honor. And most of all, I know you look sharp, and are way classier than the sleazy, child-rapist mustaches that are allowed at BYU, but alas, we must temporarily part ways.
At least, before you go, let's have some fun. Here, let me trim you down a little bit...
That's fun! Ok, now let's make me look like a stuck-up art critic.....
So goodbye, goatee. Goodbye, facial hair. I know I look better with you than without. I know I look skinnier with you, and I know I look like a chubby teenager without you. I know my face looks like a minefield when I have to regularly shave you off. I know my wife prefers you. I know I'm a grown man and should be allowed to make decisions like this on my own. I know that facial hair has nothing to do with honor. And most of all, I know you look sharp, and are way classier than the sleazy, child-rapist mustaches that are allowed at BYU, but alas, we must temporarily part ways.At least, before you go, let's have some fun. Here, let me trim you down a little bit...
That's fun! Ok, now let's make me look like a stuck-up art critic.....
Nice... Well, that was fun, but now we must finally part ways. I love you and I will miss you! Goodbye!
*Sniff* ... I miss you, goatee.
2 comments:
Jake this is one of the funniest things I have read all year. You the man! I had to shave my beard this summer too. The SHAME.
and the saddest thing is, i have a MUSTACHE now, and it's no big deal to them. explain that. i look classy with a beard, but i look like a rapist with this cookie-duster i've got going now. it's for halloween, not because i like it. but BYU apparently DOES like it.
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